You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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