Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
