Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
