I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
