Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
