Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
