You can't motorboat a personality
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
