Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
