What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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