i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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