she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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