Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
