windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
