im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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