She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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