A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
