I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize