If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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