I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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