I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
