I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
