how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
