i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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