at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
