hotel room ftw
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
