my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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