I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
