I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
