either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
