I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
