just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
