I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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