I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
