Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
