I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
