My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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