hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
