Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
