Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
