he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
