Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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