this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
