oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
