please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
