I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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