I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and she was petting her beer can
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
