Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
