There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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