i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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