I skipped work to stalk him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
