I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
