: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
