He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
