We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
