it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
