The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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