dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
