you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
