shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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