Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
