it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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