Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
