yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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